Filled by His Grace

Hi everyone!

Sorry it has been a minute since I last posted a blog, but I am back and ready to share all the things from the past couple weeks!

Training camp has officially ended. It is pretty bittersweet I’m no going to lie. Although I think it is the natural thing to constantly be focused on actually leaving the country and what’s to come, the moments I’ve got to share in Georgia have been some of the sweetest and I’m really gonna miss these first few weeks. I actually got baptized again on one of the revival nights. I’ve only truly been walking with the Lord for about two years now, so this meant a lot to me because it was the first time since then that I really declared Jesus as my Savior and a celebration to the new life he’s given me. It was one of the best nights at training. After I was out of the water, I couldn’t stop laughing, crying, smiling, and just sitting in wonder of who I get to be a child to. He gives me a lot of peace. It’s like I can physically feel my soul being renewed.

Some other highlights include: hiking Mt. Yonah and sleeping at the top in our tents (truly surreal experience, I can’t believe that this is my life 😆), the Beauty for Ashes night, which is a women’s ministry night where we got to spend quality time with us girls (and even share some testimonies!), all of the late night jams, getting our teams (which is the smaller group of girls that I will be doing ministry with overseas), squad wars, outings to the Gainesville square, belly laughs and half peeing our pants, squad church, laundromat runs, and so much more. Also the hours of beautiful worship to our Lord. So pure, so filling. In the fullness of God, I am so full.

It definitely wasn’t easy all the time. Mostly mentally and emotionally, learning how to navigate surrender, abandonment from the life I’m used to, new people, friendships, etc. One of the biggest hurdles I have had to overcome was my own faith in the Lord. I think it is so easy to always say I put my faith in Jesus, but I’ve found through my pride that a lot of the times I’m really just relying on myself. I’ve asked myself this question a lot, “do I love Jesus enough that I really couldn’t live without him?”. Am I actually living my life out of a place of absolute dependence on God? Humility has been a huge thing for me here. Wow, has the Lord really revealed the amount of pride I hold in my heart. I’ve had to sit for long periods of time and just contemplate the way I am living, how much I’m really surrendering, how I am almost always motivated by selfish desires. Learning how to walk humbly with the Lord has helped me realize that I am an absolute wreck without him.

As a natural skeptic, I tend to often immediately reject anything that doesn’t align with what I think is true. But humility is bringing yourself lower, so that you might learn from the Lord, that you might look up at him. Why am I constantly looking straight ahead, moving, instead of looking upwards, sitting still, being a real student of the Most High? Being open to the Lord changing your mind about things, letting him change your heart? I’ve realized that a lot of the agendas I’ve come up with throughout my life have been based on certain experiences or people. Is that what faith is? I can relate myself to Thomas, when he demanded that he see the wounds on Jesus’ hands and his pierced side to believe that he really was alive. Jesus says blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed (John 20:23). My faith in Jesus cannot be determined by experiences I’ve had here on earth, because he is not of the earth. There is so much more the God than what I thought. I’m seeing this firsthand in my own life.

So I am really excited to see where he takes me next. This really is only the beginning, and I already feel like things are being stripped off me, like he is cleaning up wounds in my heart, comforting me in my doubts and fear, opening a veil to a new side of him I’ve never seen before. I can’t even explain what it’s like, but just know that it makes you rethink everything you’ve ever believed. I think I will be down this journey for a long time, but I’m excited to do it with my friend Jesus.

We just got back from North Carolina after a week of domestic ministry—I will be posting a blog about that time very soon. Thank you all for following along with me, your care and investment in my life is really cool. I love you all.

– Liv